Two days ago I fully intended to talk about the specific groups of people that as a server, irritate the hell out of me. However, tonight something happened that I simply can not ignore. Sometimes there is just that one person who sends you over the edge and you find yourself saying to everyone, "guys, I just need a minute."
On this particular, unseasonably slow evening, everything was going fine. The people were at least friendly, if not good tippers. The kitchen was executing everything very smoothly and everyone, including myself seemed to be in a good mood. Now, anyone who works in this business knows that these are usually the signs of the calm before the storm, but I apparently didn't get that memo tonight. For the first hour or so of my shift I even had "tonight's gonna be a good night" running happily through my head. Then I met him, and I could have lost my job tonight for the awful things that ran through my head.
When two people sit down at a table, whether we like it or not, we automatically assess them. We can't help it, it has become second nature. "Oh, ok, a good 15%." "Smooothies all around." "Ugh, they're gonna be here forever," etc. etc. However my immediate assessment of this particular table was "cool, they look nice." Well that my friends was way off.
At my job we are required to greet the guests and quickly inform them about everything they need to know to survive for the next hour, give or take, in our establishment. We don't go so far as to tell them where the fire exits are, but still the information is friendly and necessary. Tonight I went to my table and began with my usual speech. "Hey guys, how's it goin? If you need me do this... Here's my favorites... etc. etc."
With this particular couple I got as far as "how's it goin?" before the gentleman (which is clearly an obvious lie) Put his hand in my face and said "Stop speaking." I was in such a state of shock that I could not even form the words that would have actually gotten me fired if I had said them out loud. I know that the color left my face and for at least 30 seconds I stared at him as if he had just ran over my puppy with his car and said "oops." Finally I just walked away. I went into one of our side stations and said "guys, I just need a minute."
I still can't believe the audacity of a person who could actually be genetically so rude. How dare he speak to me that way when all I am doing is trying to make his experience at this establishment a little bit more enjoyable. Fuck you, dude. Its people like that who really cause servers to want to act like the cast of Waiting. Would I ever actually do something horrible and grotesque to his food? No, but I sure as hell wanted to.
The moral of this story is the next time you see someone who obviously doesn't have the best gig in the world, try smiling at them. Tell them a joke, make someones day, because there are a lot of ass holes in the world who try to bring other people down. Thanks for listening and always remember, Tipping is not a city in China.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Same Siders
I know that in the days since Waiter Rant became so popular, this blog might seem a bit out dated, however, I have been a server for over three years and I decided that if I am going to continue at that job, at least for now, then there are some things I need to get off my chest. Some of you know me and hopefully more of you will soon. I wait tables in Times Square as I am persuing other creative endeavors such as acting and writing.
As a server there are just many things that people do that annoy the crap out of me. I am going to avoid the obvious which is not tipping, and try to focus more on my own personal pet peeves. Today the people I have chosen to scrutinize are a group of people I like to call "Same Siders."
When I am about to greet a table and I am walking towards them, suddenly I see that there are only two of them and yes, they are sitting on the same side of the booth. It makes me throw up just a little bit in my mouth.
First of all, I will just say that "same siders" really irritate me. If all you want to do is make out then I feel as though you should just skip dinner, get a room, and gracefully go out after your sexcapades. It is not cute when two people, especially the ones over 40, hand feed each other and paw all over one another during their entire meal. First of all, just because you are in a booth does not mean you are in a private room. Hello, people can still see you, and it is not that appetizing to watch two people of any age, lick sauce off of each other's faces and make goo goo eyes at each other. And ladies, if you put on that dress and he brings you here, where you always leave smelling like something fried and left over, then maybe you should reconsider why you are dating him in the first place.
Now there are two groups of "Same Siders." The first I have already mentioned and the second is possibly worse, but perhaps a bit more tactful than the first.
The second group of these people wait until dessert and heni-ladas to move to the same side. Usually it is the man who innitiates the same side maneuver. Either he gets up and puts his arm proudly around his lady's shoulder as if to say "oh yeah, we're about to go have sex," or he looks at her and says something to the effect "baby, why don't you come over here, I'm gettin lonely."
Its disgusting. Its as if sitting on the same side of the booth is some sort of sick and twisted foreplay. She usually giggles, and then coyly gets up, sits down next to him and he starts nuzzling her neck, as if any of our drinks have enough alcohol in them to actually cause people to behave that way in a public establishment. Then he very masculinely asks for the check and then slips you a five, and says "come on baby, I'm tired." She giggles again, and they leave. Mission accomplished.
Everyone, I just want you to know that if you are a "same sider," everyone in the restaurant including the other guests are talking about you, and most of them don't wait until you leave. If you see someone walk by more times than you think they should, its because they are judging you. Period. Think about this before the next time you sit next to your sweetie pie in a public place. Please keep this in mind and remember always that Tipping is not a city in China.
As a server there are just many things that people do that annoy the crap out of me. I am going to avoid the obvious which is not tipping, and try to focus more on my own personal pet peeves. Today the people I have chosen to scrutinize are a group of people I like to call "Same Siders."
When I am about to greet a table and I am walking towards them, suddenly I see that there are only two of them and yes, they are sitting on the same side of the booth. It makes me throw up just a little bit in my mouth.
First of all, I will just say that "same siders" really irritate me. If all you want to do is make out then I feel as though you should just skip dinner, get a room, and gracefully go out after your sexcapades. It is not cute when two people, especially the ones over 40, hand feed each other and paw all over one another during their entire meal. First of all, just because you are in a booth does not mean you are in a private room. Hello, people can still see you, and it is not that appetizing to watch two people of any age, lick sauce off of each other's faces and make goo goo eyes at each other. And ladies, if you put on that dress and he brings you here, where you always leave smelling like something fried and left over, then maybe you should reconsider why you are dating him in the first place.
Now there are two groups of "Same Siders." The first I have already mentioned and the second is possibly worse, but perhaps a bit more tactful than the first.
The second group of these people wait until dessert and heni-ladas to move to the same side. Usually it is the man who innitiates the same side maneuver. Either he gets up and puts his arm proudly around his lady's shoulder as if to say "oh yeah, we're about to go have sex," or he looks at her and says something to the effect "baby, why don't you come over here, I'm gettin lonely."
Its disgusting. Its as if sitting on the same side of the booth is some sort of sick and twisted foreplay. She usually giggles, and then coyly gets up, sits down next to him and he starts nuzzling her neck, as if any of our drinks have enough alcohol in them to actually cause people to behave that way in a public establishment. Then he very masculinely asks for the check and then slips you a five, and says "come on baby, I'm tired." She giggles again, and they leave. Mission accomplished.
Everyone, I just want you to know that if you are a "same sider," everyone in the restaurant including the other guests are talking about you, and most of them don't wait until you leave. If you see someone walk by more times than you think they should, its because they are judging you. Period. Think about this before the next time you sit next to your sweetie pie in a public place. Please keep this in mind and remember always that Tipping is not a city in China.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
