I am not a puppy....

I understand that sometimes in life, some people just simply did not get the genetic sturcture to be pleasant. Rudeness is passed down from generation to generation and eventually it becomes normal to be rude. It is a sad phenomonon, but we in the service industry have come to accept that most people think it is our fault that their life sucks.
Last night at work, a table of four sat down and I immediately knew that they would be rude, it would be someone's birthday, and they would be a good $5 tip at best. However, I was prepared for all of that. What I was not prepared for was for this woman, certainly not a lady, to snap her fingers at me as if I were a puppy who refuses to ues the bathroom outside. She might as well have sprayed me with a squirt bottle and hit my nose with newspaper.
UGH!!!!!!!!!
I greeted them and they lived up to all of my expectations. I walked away to give them a minute to decide, then I came back. Now, before I continue, I should say that this woman has been on her phone this entire time, from the second they walked in the door. While on the phone, she says and points... "it's his birfday." No friends, I didn't spell it incorrectly... Then everyone proceeds to order and as I am about to turn to her to ger her order she SNAPS HER FINGERS AT ME. Her three friends make "oh shit" looks at one another, and then look at me. I take a deep breath and count to 5. 10 would have been better, but we move quickly in this line of work.
I turn to her and I say, please don't snap your fingers at me again, I am a person, not a puppy.
I took her order and then made one of my lovely coworkers do their birfday song and I refused to speak to them for the rest of the night.
Their bill was around $80. I got $1.70. Hey at least I was only $3.30 off. People, just beause someone is waiting on you doesn't mean that they are incompetant, or deserve to be treated like rodents. I have two college degrees and this woman probably didn't even finish high school.
I just don't get it. So, be kind to your servers, and always remember, Tipping is not a city in China.

Same Siders

I know that in the days since Waiter Rant became so popular, this blog might seem a bit out dated, however, I have been a server for over three years and I decided that if I am going to continue at that job, at least for now, then there are some things I need to get off my chest. Some of you know me and hopefully more of you will soon. I wait tables in Times Square as I am persuing other creative endeavors such as acting and writing.
As a server there are just many things that people do that annoy the crap out of me. I am going to avoid the obvious which is not tipping, and try to focus more on my own personal pet peeves. Today the people I have chosen to scrutinize are a group of people I like to call "Same Siders."
When I am about to greet a table and I am walking towards them, suddenly I see that there are only two of them and yes, they are sitting on the same side of the booth. It makes me throw up just a little bit in my mouth.
First of all, I will just say that "same siders" really irritate me. If all you want to do is make out then I feel as though you should just skip dinner, get a room, and gracefully go out after your sexcapades. It is not cute when two people, especially the ones over 40, hand feed each other and paw all over one another during their entire meal. First of all, just because you are in a booth does not mean you are in a private room. Hello, people can still see you, and it is not that appetizing to watch two people of any age, lick sauce off of each other's faces and make goo goo eyes at each other. And ladies, if you put on that dress and he brings you here, where you always leave smelling like something fried and left over, then maybe you should reconsider why you are dating him in the first place.
Now there are two groups of "Same Siders." The first I have already mentioned and the second is possibly worse, but perhaps a bit more tactful than the first.
The second group of these people wait until dessert and heni-ladas to move to the same side. Usually it is the man who innitiates the same side maneuver. Either he gets up and puts his arm proudly around his lady's shoulder as if to say "oh yeah, we're about to go have sex," or he looks at her and says something to the effect "baby, why don't you come over here, I'm gettin lonely."
Its disgusting. Its as if sitting on the same side of the booth is some sort of sick and twisted foreplay. She usually giggles, and then coyly gets up, sits down next to him and he starts nuzzling her neck, as if any of our drinks have enough alcohol in them to actually cause people to behave that way in a public establishment. Then he very masculinely asks for the check and then slips you a five, and says "come on baby, I'm tired." She giggles again, and they leave. Mission accomplished.
Everyone, I just want you to know that if you are a "same sider," everyone in the restaurant including the other guests are talking about you, and most of them don't wait until you leave. If you see someone walk by more times than you think they should, its because they are judging you. Period. Think about this before the next time you sit next to your sweetie pie in a public place. Please keep this in mind and remember always that Tipping is not a city in China.